"Welcome to Celebration - Now Snowing Nightly! 6, 7, 8 and 9 PM"
There's a giant banner that says that as you drive into Celebration AKA the town that Disney built. We are very excited and want to go check it out. What do Floridian children get to see as snow? The first night, we missed the snow, but it was on the ground still melting, which just pumped us up further. Last night, we saw it.
It was soap.
They prepped the ground with a base coat that they shot out of a giant soap hose. Then, at 6, 7, 8 and 9, they blow soap suds down from giant boxes attached to the light poles. And parents let their babies run around in it, sit in it, throw it at each other. Why don't you just put them in the bath tub?
Evening timeline:
5 PM: walk around Celebration checking out restaurants and movie times
5:30: make reservations for dinner at 7
6:15: Daddy says, "I want to go see Narnia at 8!"
6:30: mad scramble for restaurant
6:45: start dinner
7:53: dinner is over. "See, I told you we'd have plenty of time!" Good thing the restaurant is next door to the movie theater.
Steven, Jane and I had already seen Narnia, so we decided to go check out Orlando, courtesy of Kris's directions. We freestyle up to Winter Park to check out the scene, then backtrack to downtown Orlando. What do we come upon on our way back but (seemingly) every motorcycle in Orlando! Yes, right outside Mama B's Giant Subs, there are at least 200 bikes lining the streets, and people hanging out everywhere. Just as we come down the block, so do two cop cars. Jane and I want to see what is going on; Steven wants to jet. After 12 or 15 blocks, we convince him to go back.
Just as we pull up, a showdown with the cops! A biker speeds off! A cop jumps in front of his bike and pulls a gun on him! The biker stops, and the cop forces him off his bike. (It turns out the gun is a taser.) The cops are yelling at him, and bikers are going by and yelling at the cops. An Italian princess is standing next to us, and her limo driver is translating everything that is going on (including some biker yelling out, "you're a weenie!" as he drives past the cop trying to move the now-confiscated motorcycle.)
Jane had never seen anyone get arrested, so this has been the highlight of her trip so far. Jane, I always knew you were my real daughter.
Friday, December 30, 2005
Thursday, December 29, 2005
Florida: Day 3 - Universal
My very first trip to Universal Studios and Islands of Adventure, and as Caroline predicts, my very last. Or at least, her very last. Which is why we absolutely MUST accompany her on the Jurassic Park ride! She has a weakness for log flume rides which must be quenched. I do not like being wet a) when it is less than 90 degrees outside b) in my normal clothes and c) primarily on my head and shoulders, so I do not like log flume rides. No matter how much each of us explain this to her, Caroline persists in believing it is because we just hate her. Current JP tally: 47 requests to ride this ride. I think Steven is weakening.
Universal Studios has come up with an absolutely brilliant plan for line-jumping. The single rider line is my new best friend. By agreeing to ride by yourself, you can cut your line time in half, or sometimes more. Sometimes, you still get to ride together! And you know what? I can just talk to you about the ride 30 seconds after it ends, rather than as we push our lap bar away. Note: single-rider lines are not good for people who like to hide their faces in the person next to them. Jane, that means you.
Another benefit of Universal over Disney. They pump real music into the park, not Christmas music (hello? It's over!) covered by Disney characters.
The downside of Universal? They're loving the coasters there. Space Mountain aside, I am a major coaster wimp, and will not ride anything that loops the loop, goes backwards, or has any serious risk of my shoes flying off. Haven't people heard about their brains banging around in their skulls like a clapper in a bell?
That being said, Universal has learned about the magic of the movies. The Mummy ride is a coaster, I guess, in the sense that it runs on a track, and there are a couple of drops. If it were outside, it would be a lame, tiny baby coaster. But they put it inside, and they blast you with fire and water and mummies that jump out at you. THAT'S a good ride.
Universal Studios has come up with an absolutely brilliant plan for line-jumping. The single rider line is my new best friend. By agreeing to ride by yourself, you can cut your line time in half, or sometimes more. Sometimes, you still get to ride together! And you know what? I can just talk to you about the ride 30 seconds after it ends, rather than as we push our lap bar away. Note: single-rider lines are not good for people who like to hide their faces in the person next to them. Jane, that means you.
Another benefit of Universal over Disney. They pump real music into the park, not Christmas music (hello? It's over!) covered by Disney characters.
The downside of Universal? They're loving the coasters there. Space Mountain aside, I am a major coaster wimp, and will not ride anything that loops the loop, goes backwards, or has any serious risk of my shoes flying off. Haven't people heard about their brains banging around in their skulls like a clapper in a bell?
That being said, Universal has learned about the magic of the movies. The Mummy ride is a coaster, I guess, in the sense that it runs on a track, and there are a couple of drops. If it were outside, it would be a lame, tiny baby coaster. But they put it inside, and they blast you with fire and water and mummies that jump out at you. THAT'S a good ride.
Wednesday, December 28, 2005
Florida: Day 2 - Disney
It's a small world after all. I mean, a small park. The last time I went to Disney, I was 8. It seemed massive. So large, in fact, that we never even went to Tomorrowland, which I was going to be certain to see this time around.
Let's just start by saying, I don't know how Disney does it. The park is about the same size as any other theme park you might go to. They have lines over an hour long for nearly every ride in the park unless you are there after 9. (Let's just say I now know why all those babies in Denny's were still up.) And yet millions of families go there every year! I know a little something about babies, and I will tell you, babies do NOT love lines.
But you know what they do love? Renting Disney strollers, it seems. If a family has small children, a stroller seems almost guaranteed to follow. Yet there were thousands of families renting Disney strollers! Why? Are they scared that their stroller is going to get stolen? Disney fingerscans everyone entering the park. Surely they could catch a stroller thief (unless you manage to pull off the heist using only your ring finger, pinkie and thumb.)
Even Tomorrowland was only OK. And we didn't even get to ride Space Mountain! All in all, even my mom admitted, Disney's just not that magical without some childlike amazement. My amazement level? 2. Maybe if I had seen some of the Princesses(tm), I would have been more pumped.
Let's just start by saying, I don't know how Disney does it. The park is about the same size as any other theme park you might go to. They have lines over an hour long for nearly every ride in the park unless you are there after 9. (Let's just say I now know why all those babies in Denny's were still up.) And yet millions of families go there every year! I know a little something about babies, and I will tell you, babies do NOT love lines.
But you know what they do love? Renting Disney strollers, it seems. If a family has small children, a stroller seems almost guaranteed to follow. Yet there were thousands of families renting Disney strollers! Why? Are they scared that their stroller is going to get stolen? Disney fingerscans everyone entering the park. Surely they could catch a stroller thief (unless you manage to pull off the heist using only your ring finger, pinkie and thumb.)
Even Tomorrowland was only OK. And we didn't even get to ride Space Mountain! All in all, even my mom admitted, Disney's just not that magical without some childlike amazement. My amazement level? 2. Maybe if I had seen some of the Princesses(tm), I would have been more pumped.
Tuesday, December 27, 2005
Florida: Day 1
The key question I forgot to ask Kris: Where can we eat great, even late? We took a flight destined for arrival at 9:45. Then Southwest lost my mom's bag, which ate up another hour at the airport. The family whose house were in provided directions to the grocery store, so Steven and I zipped over there, only to discover they closed at 11. So we end up with a choice of Denny's or IHOP.
Apparently, babies love to burn the midnight oil in Orlando. I have never seen so many children up at midnight! There were at least 30 in the restaurant. Also, it seems Denny's employees are not that keen to work overtime at midnight. There was a shouting match between several waitpeople and the manager, and 1 person stormed out the front door. What does this mean for us? A 30 minute wait to have dinner.
What do we see as we are returning home? A Wendy's. It's still open. Oh! I say, we'll have to remember this for next time. Jane said, I saw it on the way over. Bah, Jane. Bah.
Apparently, babies love to burn the midnight oil in Orlando. I have never seen so many children up at midnight! There were at least 30 in the restaurant. Also, it seems Denny's employees are not that keen to work overtime at midnight. There was a shouting match between several waitpeople and the manager, and 1 person stormed out the front door. What does this mean for us? A 30 minute wait to have dinner.
What do we see as we are returning home? A Wendy's. It's still open. Oh! I say, we'll have to remember this for next time. Jane said, I saw it on the way over. Bah, Jane. Bah.
Thursday, December 22, 2005
I know you.
I've spotted you while you slobber all over your sugar stick. Learn how to eat! You're not five anymore, your red spit shouldn't collect at the bottom of your candy cane wrapper. So cut that out. Control your slobber, it sicks me out.
Monday, December 19, 2005
What 5 college apps will do to a girl
Jane is on hiatus until she finishes her remaining 3 applications, but to tide you over until she returns, some tidbits from The Unnamed Wellness Center's new Therapudic Ventologist (names changed to protect the innocent):
our parents hate me!
scene: kitchen where dinner has obviously been made, i enter the dining room, my lonely spot is barren "did you happen to make any food for your dear daughter" uhh no sorry
not even a lame excuse like well when we saw you eating pringles we thought it was your dinner
just a no!
dear som and had: i'm really stressed out the least you can do is make me a few squares of ravioli, it's not like we eat dinner in the first place
dear crown, despite the fact that my parents have agreed to pay full tuition for college, i want to tell you do not fall into their trap. they do not love me. here's why:
sunday, they went to a christmas party and got home at 9:30 and ate dinner then
lucky i had a pot pie or else i wouldn't have had a left arm today
also, why are you single handedly ruining my life! don't try to put the blame on those other nonexistent people, cause it's their fault, but way more yours. you should feel ashamed!
YOU'RE ON FIRE,
HANE!
that's right my signature deserves an exclamation point
i'm trying to express my feelings
our parents hate me!
scene: kitchen where dinner has obviously been made, i enter the dining room, my lonely spot is barren "did you happen to make any food for your dear daughter" uhh no sorry
not even a lame excuse like well when we saw you eating pringles we thought it was your dinner
just a no!
dear som and had: i'm really stressed out the least you can do is make me a few squares of ravioli, it's not like we eat dinner in the first place
dear crown, despite the fact that my parents have agreed to pay full tuition for college, i want to tell you do not fall into their trap. they do not love me. here's why:
sunday, they went to a christmas party and got home at 9:30 and ate dinner then
lucky i had a pot pie or else i wouldn't have had a left arm today
also, why are you single handedly ruining my life! don't try to put the blame on those other nonexistent people, cause it's their fault, but way more yours. you should feel ashamed!
YOU'RE ON FIRE,
HANE!
that's right my signature deserves an exclamation point
i'm trying to express my feelings
Saturday, December 17, 2005
A Memo to Retail: Please reset your calendars.
'Tis the season to spend all your time and energy shopping for other people. But even if you come from the kind of family that doesn't feel the need to produce a minimum of n squared gifts for n family members, you still may find yourself shopping. Why? Because you will have approximately 1 week after Christmas to buy any sweaters, jackets, turtlenecks or bottoms made out of anything besides cotton you may need before next July. J.Crew, I'm talking to you. Thanks for getting your "resort" catalog out early, because I will *definitely* be needing my white denim miniskirt any day now.
Monday, December 05, 2005
The Greatest American Lip Balm
Do you ever find something that you find incredibly amazing, an A+ example of its genre, and then you start telling your friends about it, and they just say, "yeah, it's pretty good."? No, it's not pretty good, it's AMAZING!
This lip balm is not like that. It is the "best lip balm ever" of all Horstmanns surveyed. I hoard my sticks like so much gold. Steven is limited to one coat a day, otherwise he will eat through my stores. I refuse to throw out sticks just because the plastic scrapes my lips; there's still a good quarter-inch of balm down there!
Sadly, this lip balm falls into the genre of "things so great, they had to stop making them". I will tell you more about it, just because I have googled this more than once, so maybe one day, this post will become the meeting place of all true fans of this balm.
It's Crabtree and Evelyn Lip Balm. It has no other name. It is in a white tube, with a white label. Its label: Ingredients: Petrolatum USP, White Mineral Oil, Carnauba Wax, Tenox II, Vanillin, Tincture Benzoin, Thymol, Oil Peppermint. Distribution By 1999 Crabtree & Evelyn LTD. Woodstock Hill CT 06281, USA.
OK, so it's an old school lip balm. It doesn't have any shea butter or jojoba or fancy all natural oils. It doesn't make your lips shiny. But it does protect your lips, and it's thick, so thick that you don't have to reapply every 5 seconds. And it has the most wonderful smell. Do you know that perfect first half second on peppermint Tic Tacs, before the mint has kicked in, and you get a wave of vanilla instead? THAT is what it smells like.
They used to give it out on US Airways international business flights. My dad has probably been given a hundred of these sticks over the years. If only he knew their value! One of the best things Jane ever gave me was a stick of this lip balm that she salvaged out of a travel case long ago. When I told Anne that Jane gave me a stick, she was so jealous. That's just because her stash ran out years ago.
This lip balm is not like that. It is the "best lip balm ever" of all Horstmanns surveyed. I hoard my sticks like so much gold. Steven is limited to one coat a day, otherwise he will eat through my stores. I refuse to throw out sticks just because the plastic scrapes my lips; there's still a good quarter-inch of balm down there!
Sadly, this lip balm falls into the genre of "things so great, they had to stop making them". I will tell you more about it, just because I have googled this more than once, so maybe one day, this post will become the meeting place of all true fans of this balm.
It's Crabtree and Evelyn Lip Balm. It has no other name. It is in a white tube, with a white label. Its label: Ingredients: Petrolatum USP, White Mineral Oil, Carnauba Wax, Tenox II, Vanillin, Tincture Benzoin, Thymol, Oil Peppermint. Distribution By 1999 Crabtree & Evelyn LTD. Woodstock Hill CT 06281, USA.
OK, so it's an old school lip balm. It doesn't have any shea butter or jojoba or fancy all natural oils. It doesn't make your lips shiny. But it does protect your lips, and it's thick, so thick that you don't have to reapply every 5 seconds. And it has the most wonderful smell. Do you know that perfect first half second on peppermint Tic Tacs, before the mint has kicked in, and you get a wave of vanilla instead? THAT is what it smells like.
They used to give it out on US Airways international business flights. My dad has probably been given a hundred of these sticks over the years. If only he knew their value! One of the best things Jane ever gave me was a stick of this lip balm that she salvaged out of a travel case long ago. When I told Anne that Jane gave me a stick, she was so jealous. That's just because her stash ran out years ago.
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