I have cooked before. I am a master of Kraft macaroni and cheese, rice crispy treats, and eggos. I liked to think I've mastered the grill. I've even been Anne's sous chef on several occasions. My time living in an apartment has taught me that I am only capable of mastering things out of a box and following directions given by someone who can cook. In the past 24 hours I have melted a spoon and made our whole place a delightful shade of smoky.
The spoon could have happened to anyone. I was making chicken that instructed me to fry it. So I had 1/4 cup of oil in the pan and of course I had to keep mixing the chicken so it didn't get burnt. The oil got hot. The plastic spoon did too. The photo explains the after effects. My roommate explained that I can't just leave a plastic spoon in hot oil, but I didn't! That chicken was going to burn otherwise. Despite my best attempts the chicken did get a little black. Mastered -- plastic chicken.
Also, I just made a sausage sandwich. I generally go for pb and j for lunch. I'm a low maitenance eater. Today I was faced with one butt of the bread -- not enough for a sandwich. So I was crafty and had sausage. Too bad while cooking it the whoel apartment got smoky. Nothing caught on fire. I don't even know how all that smoke was produced. Needless to say, I realized that we need to replace the batteries in our smoke detector because if my sausage cooking didn't set it off then I'm 100% sure a fire wouldn't either.
I've been wikihow-ing most things I cook for fear that I might mess it up. I'll have to wiki-how this -- "How to produce less smoke while cooking." Here in Boston my whole life is an educational experience. Learning isn't just for class time!